Friday

What up, internet?

Okay, so I have been extremely busy for the last few weeks, which is why I have not been blogging with my usual reckless disregard for content, style, or structure. DO NOT BE AFRAID! I will get back to delicately swaddling your brainfruits in wrappings of directionless rambling next week. In the meantime, I guess Ian got tired of waiting for me to write up a thrilling recap of his epic harrowing excursion from Park Slope to Williamsburg to attend the legendary Brooklyn Bacon Takedown, so he will be doing it himself. So be prepared to be gripped in the throes of suspense and wonderment as Ian regales you all with how he probably had to walk all the way to the G train so he wouldn't have to take the F into Manhattan and how he had to wait in line and how his tummy hurt afterward. With pictures!

Here is an exciting story to make this not just another procrastination post: While I was sleeping on Wednesday night I managed to somehow roll onto my stomach with both my arms pinned awkwardly beneath me. I must have slept that way for a while, because when Clocky told me it was time to wake up and start a new day of fresh possibilities and infinite promise, both my arms were asleep. I made to hit the snooze button with my typical unnecessary force and bitter disposition, but I couldn't control either arm. I sort of managed to get my left arm to flop around a bit, but even deep in the fuzzy clutches of morning logic I realized that trying to wail on Clocky with a limp club attached to my shoulder would probably result in a spilled glass of water and a broken lamp long before it made a successful fleshy impact on the snooze button. Finally I managed to sort of squirm my whole body up to where I could hit the snooze button with my chin. I gave up on trying to squirm back down during my precious 9 minutes of snoozcation, so I just kind of curled up enough to lay back down and went back to sleep. When the alarm went off again, both my arms were still asleep, and now my back hurt. It was an awesome morning!

Good story, huh?

Okay, back to work.

TODAY'S INSIDE JOKE: Sloncho