Due to STUPID WORK STUFF, I have not had sufficient time to randomly arrange words on a blue screen for you. Bac-Log apologizes for the delay in heaping glory and stuff on Sara, who I guess won the slogan contest. Until time is available for a proper display of well-deserved gratitude, I think everyone should wave a tiny mental flag in celebration of Sara's dominating victory.
Also, I know it's early and all, but in case you were wondering what to get me for Christmas:
I thought I was getting close to being a complete person, but then the internet has to drop HORSE HEAD VASES on me. Now I have to line my entire hallway and probably every wall of my bedroom with alternating white and black horse head vases at tastefully varying heights, and then fill them with seasonal flower arrangements. So close, yet so, so far.
The intersection of expansive technology and the chaotic oven of culture has produced the language of the internet, which culminates at this exact moment with this exact picture. This is what is truly meant by "OMG". I can't be sure at the moment, but I don't think I've ever wanted to put an entire car in my mouth more than I do right now. Also, I'm squealing on the inside, and maybe a little on the outside.
I think on the first day I own this car I am going to attach a cardboard tube to the top and drive it through the mud so it looks like a candied apple. Then I'll probably run some errands with it.
The second day I own this car I am going to paint some numbers on it and see if anyone on my block wants to play "car billiards" with me. If not, I guess I'll have to play "car dodgeball" with them instead.
The third day I own this car I will begin construction of my gumball-machine garage and go to the bank to get a bunch of quarters so I can drive it whenever I want.
The forth day I own this car I'll probably sleep in a little bit and take it easy, maybe watch a movie or something. Do some laundry.
By the fifth day I hope to have thought of a good superhero persona that matches the car so it makes more sense when I try to fight crime in it. My ideas right now are Sour Apple Man, The Greenthumb, and Normal-Looking Guy With An Adorable Round Car Man. In all cases I will fight crime using the lethal combination of my Green River Community College 1-Credit Karate Class skillz and my superior stapling and collating skillz.
I've been trying to find out more about this precious dollop of automotive excellence, but so far the image search terms "adorable gumball car" and "waaaaaant" have not produced any relevant results. Maybe someone has some time at work today for some intense internet research? As a reward for substantial information I will short-list you on my sidekick application. As my sidekick, Quarter Man (or Woman), your primary duties will be to release the crime-fighting car from the secret gumball-machine garage, occasionally hold my Big Gulp if it doesn't fit in provided cupholders, and feed me fries if I'm busy driving. However, you will NOT be allowed to choose the crime-fighting music. Also, you will dress like a butler.
UPDATE: Jason (also here, here, and here) sacrificed airline maintenance programming for the greater good and found this:
You know, the ability to eject panels off of the crime-fighting car is actually a very useful feature just in case you are trying to catch a criminal who is riding a bicycle behind you. Although I was initially disappointed by the vegetable representation, I have to say that "Bicycle-riding Criminal, looks like you just got PEA'd-on," is a pretty great one-liner.
Anyone? Maybe as an "Administrative Professionals Day" gift on the 23rd? (You don't have to be administrative OR professional to enjoy this holiday, do you?)
He he he, I love his agape little beer-opener mouth and awkwardly gratuitous beer dispensing wand. He he he. And his little hardhat. Safety First! He he he. COME ON PEOPLE I WOULD LOVE HIM SO MUCH.
HEYGUESSWHAT-- You can be my facebook friend, and witness first-hand the trainwreck that is me trying to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do on this facebook thing.
How do you feel about letting me down on the last poll:
Who would win in a mortal contest between a life-size Teddy Ruxpin and Michael Douglas but with electric eels for arms, assuming battery life is not an issue
Next Poll Should Be About:
Eating nachos off of the ground after a baseball game is:
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