[guest post] Man-aphors

This is a guest post by Jason, whose exciting adventures you can follow by reading his blog! Jason and I recently achieved revenge on McClellan Butte, which was an insanely hard hike to choose as our first hiking expedition of the year.

Dear Grant's Diary:

A big part of being a man now (which I am, and you should know this if you studied my chronicles like I "axed" you to) is being willing to explore new interests and hobbies, even if your stupid friends make fun of them and make you want to punch them all the time, especially Kyle. You never know what you might learn from these hobbies and interests!

For example, I was recently riveted and engaged by an exciting match of my favorite elitist sport, English Premier League Football. After the exciting bout of elegance, skill, and grace the likes of which are rarely found in mainstream American sports, I further enriched my appreciation of the match by watching the post game interviews and commentary! Being a man now means that I thirst for a deeper understanding and appreciation of things, even things I just watched.

During the interview with the coach who unfortunately failed to lead his team to victory but still managed to be refined and classy, I was treated to a spectacular metaphor! Wow! I expected to experience thoughtful commentary regarding the strategies and inner workings of that day's delightful sporting, but this intellectual discourse was an exciting bonus! The metaphor for the loser team was that victory was like a blanket, and that the blanket wasn't quite big enough to cover your feet, and so that if you were cold or something you might have to curl up, and somehow this had to do with the football match and the losing.

Being a man now means I have more important things to think about than remembering the exact metaphor, okay.

I was excited to apply this new type of metaphorical thinking to my life! Later that day I invited my homies over to enjoy some intellectual discourse and fancy microbrew beer. I tried to explain my eye-opening experience with the metaphor about the victory blanket, but they did not seem to grasp why I was so interested in this and also why I had spent all day watching "soccer". Being a man now is difficult sometimes when you have to deal with non-mans.

Then one of my friends found my caulking gun that I had been using to apply sealant around my bathtub (being a man now means I am occasionally involved in home-maintenance). He said, "hey guys, look! I am squeezing Jason's caulk.....ing gun!" Then another of my homies said, "hey, quit hogging Jason's caulk.....ing gun!" And then, "hey Jason, how do you like it when we hold your caulk.....ing gun?" and then, "not too hard, or white stuff will come out of Jason's caulk.....ing gun!"

Several hours later I tried to explain the victory blanket metaphor again but my friends told me that they were bored with all of my metaphor rambling and went back to playing with my caulking gun.

I think this is a pretty good metaphor of the life of Jason the Man.

This is Jason the Man, signing off.