Monday, March 16, 2009

Lobster--> Grant--> Peapods

Hey gang, check this out:

Few worldly delights are as keen and lofty as being sandwiched on a Cabaret bill between "Lobster" and "Peapods".

Okay, I am starting this story in the late-middle. A little while ago, I was asked by the local theater company that I hammer and saw stuff for, Live Girls! Theater, if I wanted to contribute anything for our Season Kick-off Cabaret on Saturday. I think I was specifically asked for a Top-10 list of some sort that had something to do with the theme of the Cabaret, which was "Slumber Party". Here's basically what I came up with after months of intense work, sequestered in a rustic lakeside cabin with only candlelight to illuminate my furious literary genius:

Top 1 Greatest Things About Slumber Parties:
1. Slow-motion pillow fights.

After I accepted the fact that I would probably be the only person to find a "Top 1" list funny, I gave up and figured that maybe it was time to switch gears from a writing a "Top 10" list to my greater strength, which is running away and hiding. But, having vaguely obligated myself to producing some sort of appropriate and relevant material, I felt guilty about backing out, so I hammered out a little last-minute story a couple of days before and sent it in for approval.

Miraculously, and probably due to a mix of insufficient time to find a replacement and sheer pity, I was informed on Saturday morning, the day of the Cabaret, and right before a super-important and intense fantasy baseball draft, that my story was a go. This gave me precious little time to polish it up and figure out what I was doing, and I wasted most of that on working out the details of my entrance (which, despite some technical difficulty, turned out okay). Fortunately, it also gave me no time to freak out about going on stage and reading something that I threw together at the last minute in front of people.

So anyway, in case you are interested, the story is [here]. It probably helps to imagine it in its natural habitat, which is being solemnly read aloud out of a dusty hardback book by me, reclining in a chair with my pipe and sweater, after being pulled onto the stage on a platform attached to a little girl's bike with training wheels. However, in your imagination, you are allowed to replace the safety goggles that I made the girl who towed me out onto the stage wear with aviator goggles and a scarf, because that would have been even more awesome. Also, maybe next time I will see if I can put a fancy lamp and a hi-ball with scotch on the platform too.

All-in-all everything turned out pretty good, I guess. It's weird being on stage with the bright lights and the hushed crowds and the not-knowing-what-you-are-doings, but I think the Vitamin-R that I kicked back in the AM helped refreshingly calm my nerves. It also helped that I made some of my friends come, and that they were obligated to like it, as a birthday present. In fact, I would like to officially announce on this legally-binding publication that I owe PIPS, Taco, Heenkenstein, Dread Pirate Colins, Booster Seat, Tougs, BRG, the Faux-sin, and Princess Grossman 2 hours of my time doing something that I wouldn't ordinarily do unless guilt-tripped or bribed. You guys are the best!

Also, KEEP VOTING ON THE SUPER-EXCITING BAC-LOG REVIEW CHALLENGE 2008! It's a super-close race between "Bac-Log: A tragic balance of severe witticism tempered with batches of the mundane that excruciatingly explores the nebulous realms of being vs. becoming", "Bac-Log: Possibly all an elaborate inside joke, or maybe not", and "Bac-Log: It's more like a blue page of words that coincidentally formed sentences." You have until Wednesday to affect the courses of history!

1 comment:

Vikram said...

Sweet, my hamstrings have been feeling a wee bit tight lately. They could use a good rubdown...