Wednesday, June 25, 2008


So the full-length play Circus Tracks is running right now at Live Girls! Theater in Ballard (also known as NO IT'S NOT A STRIP CLUB), where I act as the least-qualified technical director of all time ("let's try nailing it in here. Nope. How about here? Nope. Ouch! Hey, can someone grab me a PBR? So where does this wire go?"). I've heard lots of good things about the show, and it will be closing this coming weekend, so you should all go see it [disclaimer: GO SEE IT] [disclaimer disclaimer: JUST GO SEE IT OK].

(When you go see it, tell them that Bac-Log! sent you and wink. Then start giving people high-fives. NOTE: This will probably not get you a discount).

Anyway, after you see it you will have to tell me how it was because through a remarkable series of events I managed to completely miss the run! I didn't want to go opening weekend because usually that's when the actors and production team have their peeps come and it's usually pretty full, and then the next weekend ended up being a whirlwind of going-away and graduation parties, and then last weekend was a bunch of barbecuing and naked bicyclists, and this weekend I am going to go prod and squeeze a delightful youngster in San Diego. Where did the time go? I'm upset that I managed to miss what is probably an amazing show, but also because I am really curious what my bio says in the program.

Most serious theater people have bios like, "SO-AND-SO graduated from SOME NEW YORK COLLEGE where they worked with SOME FAMOUS THEATER PERSON and are excited to be working with SUCH AND WHAT LOCAL THEATER. You may have recently seen them in SOME OTHER PLAY at DIFFERENT THEATER. They won MAGICAL THEATER AWARD for their portrayal of PROPER NOUN in ANOTHER PLAY at PLAYHOUSE SOMEWHERE ELSE, PROBABLY IN EUROPE." Since I do not have this pedigree, my bio always ends up being along the lines of "Grant hammers and saws stuff. You may have seen other stuff Grant has hammered and sawed at [last play]." Ashamed by my lack of relevant personal accomplishment, I usually try to spice up my bio to compensate, often using the literary device known as "lying". In general, however, these get rejected and I am forced to copy and paste the bio above at the last minute.

Here is a list of bios that have been rejected:
  • "Grant wishes he had a pet unicorn."
  • "Grant wishes to remain anonymous."
  • [note to printer: please copy-and-paste "AWESOME" 250 times]
  • "Grant eats babies."
  • [note to printer: please copy-and-paste Alison's bio and add "and Grant wrote this himself"]
  • "Grant enjoys technical direction as a distraction from building his throne of skulls"
  • "When Grant is not building sets, he is also acting president and treasurer of the 'Grant Is The Best' society"
For Circus Tracks, however, I submitted three possible bios and was never asked if I could please for the love of God just submit something normal for a change. I hope that means that one of these options made it in:
  • "Grant is awesome at writing bios"
  • "Grant is probably a time-traveler whose mission it is to bring warnings from the future to the people of the present, although he doesn't have a very good memory, and also he is a habitual liar."
  • "Grant's life is exactly like the movie 'Speed' but with less Sandra Bullock and more Skittles."
Anyway, someone should go check it out and let me know.

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