Friday, January 30, 2009

the importance of diversification

Okay, everyone keeps sending this link to me, so I guess I will put it here on my blog where it will stare back at all who sent it as if they were looking in a weird link mirror: The Bacon Explosion:

Here's what the Skulls & Bacon blog had to say about it in a post entitled "The Goddamn Bacon Explosion":
Ok people, I am putting up a link to the BBQ Bacon Explosion because every one and their mothers have been sending me the link, posting it on Facebook and Reddit, it's EVERYWHERE. I guess that's what happens when the esteemed New York Times decides to dip a toe into Bacon Territory.
I totally second the underlying sentiment of mingled appreciation and exasperation. I can only speak for myself here, but even merely half-assing a loosely bacon-themed blog is sometimes a blessing AND a curse (disclaimer: no). But there is also another force at work here. There are always mixed feelings when your favorite indie band, of which you've seen every show and purchased every home-printed CD and whose stickers you would have plastered over all your stuff if only you had better stuff and your love of the band is 4EVR, goes mainstream. On one hand, you're happy that your musical taste has been validated, and that your favorite band can now finally sleep on new mattresses stuffed with shredded $100 bills every night and can gold-plate every surface of the drummer's dad's van and drink their pre-show PBR out of ruby-studded chalices carved out of woolly mammoth tusks and print their tour posters on saffron paper and replace the guitarist's old JCM-900 amp with a new JCM-900 amp made out of caviar. But on the other hand, your #1 Fan status is now openly questioned by a bunch of annoying teenagers who only like the later stuff anyway even though the earlier stuff had a more genuine raw feel and these stupid kids can't possibly love them like you love them because you had to be there from the beginning. Also, their concerts are now $200 for upper-deck seating at Wal*mart Rock Arena.

I just realized that bacon is not anything like this metaphor, except that I have the same unjustified curmudgeonly attitude about the overwhelming mainstream coverage of stuff made out of bacon. [important note: I just spelled "curmudgeonly" right on the first try! Who is the best? THIS GUY! (Pretend you are looking at me and I am pointing at myself)].

But anyway, if I was actually a serious bacon blogger, like ol' S&B or ol' BT or ol' TOB, I might find my considerable bacon-blogging livelihood threatened by these giant media titans. If you try really hard to pretend my bacon-as-indie-band metaphor sort of works for a second, now that Bacon the Band is mainstream they play at New York Times Rock Area instead of the mom-and-pop rock arenas of their past. I guess I'm trying to say that the New York Times Rock Arena is like Wal*mart which is like the New York Times covering bacon, and mom-and-pop rock arenas are like mom-and-pop general stores which are like bacon blogs. Somehow. (I hope someone brought a map this time.)

FACT: Two bad metaphors don't make a good metaphor. Or even a bad metaphor. Two bad metaphors only make nonsense and tears.

FACT: I am the best at metaphors. If metaphors were a game, and we were all players, and something something, I am the best at metaphors.

ANYWAY, there is a lesson here about diversification. If I was a bacon blogger who put all of his eggs in a bacon basket (IDEA ALERT: egg-filled bacon basket coming soon), I would be screwed if all of my bacon-blogging money channels suddenly dried up (in a non-crispy-and-delicious way). Which is why I offer a very special Bac-log Brand Hat Tip™ to the Skulls and Bacon blog for recognizing that diversification is important. Once bacon-blogging completely jumps the shark and becomes awkwardly passe, metalchick666 has skulls to fall back on without going through all of the SUPER HARD work of making a new blog. Also, another hat tip for recognizing two of the three most permanent and stable things in the history of time and the universe; people will always find bacon delicious, and people will always think that skulls are awesome. (The third is the universal appeal of baby animals who think they're people).

Also, hat tip to Bacon Today for posting the Baco. I think everyone should go click on the article so that it makes the "most popular" list. Every time you don't click on the link an angel kitten who has the cure for cancer loses its wings and plummets into a lake of lava and angel-eating termites.

So anyway, I got bored of making bacon links a while back and started thinking about what other important things to blog about to make my blogging millions. What is the next bacon? (If anyone has an idea, please let me know. I will split the profits of my "___ is the new bacon" t-shirts with you.) My friends and I discussed this very issue many moons ago, and Admiral Heenkypants actually had a pretty good idea: Pancakes. Everyone likes pancakes, right? Pancakes. Awesome. PLUS, unlike the singularity of bacon, pancakes have a built-in diversification. You can make hilarious stuff out of pancakes AND hilariously make stuff in to pancakes. The obvious first thing to make into pancakes is meat, but I guess the ancient hamburger architects just barely beat me to it. In protest, I am now only referring to hamburgers as "meat pancake sandwiches", and encourage all 4 of my stunningly attractive and brilliant readers to do the same, as an early birthday present. Thanks!

Also, what do you think of this idea for a new loosely pancake-themed blog: Pan-log! The New Most Important Blog In The History Of Time Not Including Those Times As Previously Covered By Bac-Log. Or maybe I should call it Pan-dora's Box, and there can be a picture of a pancake dude peeking out of a box?


Courtney said...

I dont think pancakes are a good idea. A) Thanks to Gawker, everytime I think of pancakes, I think of them on Sarah Palin's head (, and I really dont like to be reminded of her existance. and B) Pancakes aren't international. Swedes dont eat them as breakfast food, and in fact, most swedes seem to hate syrup, which is not a pre-req for eating pancakes, true, but a pancake filled world without syrup is not a world I want to live in (even though I apparently already do... where am I going with this?!) and C) Bacon is typically thought of as a breakfast food and in order to diversify, you should focus on either a non-breakfast food (unless you are in sweden, and they are not considered breakfast foods, but I digress... again) or a non-food.

OK, maybe I should write on my own blog now.

Kyle said...

Wait, the International House of Pancakes was lying all along?

Courtney said...

Yep... THOP is a bunch of GD liars. Swedes eat pancakes with, wait for it, pea soup. On Thursdays. You cant make that stuff up if you try!