BABE Rally Team Name CHALLENGE!!

Question: Have you ever had what seems like a really great idea when you're drunk but then it turns out that your idea requires wasting several hours at work when you actually have things to do and also your fingers are sore from copy-and-pasting in order to make 32 separate polls on Blogger? Just wondering.

BEHOLD: BABE Rally Team Name CHALLENGE!!

After diligently collecting suggested team names for our BABE Rally team, I had the stupid AWESOME idea to decide the final team name based on a NCAA -tourney style bracket. That's right, folks: Gather all of your work-mates around the water cooler and prepare to waste some time voting on a single-elimination team-naming challenge!!

Please vote now on the 32 match-ups on the sidebar of this blog. Full bracket is here. If you are really hardcore, you can download and fill out your own bracket and email it to me. The winner of the best bracket will win a free trip in our sweet-ass $1 Honda Civic (now running!) to go get ice cream!!

Tell all of your friends and coworkers to vote. First round voting ends at noon PST (two hours from now) Next round will be posted shortly thereafter.

GO GO GO!

UPDATE: I reset the poll-closing time to 1PM (PST) to give you all an extra hour to vote!

Kids < Pets < Other humans

For those of you who like the original Pet Vs Kid smack-down (read: ALL OF YOU):

Check out this dazzling sequel:

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA! Does anyone want me to save them a seat in hell?

Mobile blogging

ALERT: the silver Saturn in the Hooverville parking lot is about to
get towed. Also: drunk.

-if not back in 72 hours, avenge
death

OMG!

FRENCH-FRY-COATED BACON ON A STICK!

You can't out-clever THIS product name.

Sometimes, things make me laugh for no reason. Today, it was the Kit-In Box.

I think the reason why I love this picture is the cheesy infomercial before-and-after shots. Look at how sad the pre-Kit-In Box world is!

Kitty! You are depressing me so much! All you do is type "xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"! What does your furry heart desire?

Fortunately everything is resolved in the end, thanks to Kit-In Box.

And everyone lives happily ever after.

Popcorn Shirts Are Magic (yes, yes they are)

Gmail sponsored link:

Popcorn Shirts Are Magic - www.popcornshirt.com - One Size Fits Everybody Beautifully Wholesale Pricing Available

I just can't bring myself to follow the link because it will probably only ruin it for me. I'm going to let this one live forever unspoiled in my imagination. Also, next time I purchase something wholesale I am going to ask, "yes, but is it beautifully wholesale?"

NEW FEATURE: Desperate plea for help

As many of you know, next month Vik, Kyle H, Jason and I will be participating in the most amazing event of all time; the BABE Rally. The short story for those who we haven't gushed on and on about this to yet is that the BABE Rally (Big Apple to Big Easy) is a beater car trip from New York to New Orleans in a car that costs less than $250. Since we live in Seattle, this will also require driving our sweet $1 1987 Honda Civic to New York first. All in all we expect nothing less of this experience than a spectacular adventure full of non-stop mirth, merriment, and self-fulfillment.

So far everything is going rather well except for one important detail (two, if you count the car not running yet); we don't have a team name. You would think that among the four of us we would be able to come up with something clever that we all agree on, but we've been "trying" for months with no success. I think the primary problem is that we are sort of obsessed with our name being the perfect mixture of wit and understated cleverness that we have created a standard to which we will never ourselves be able to meet. Whereas I'm sure that we have many skills between the four of us (like eating and making snarky comments), naming things is apparently not one of them.

You are probably thinking, "what a tragic situation! Is there anything I can do to help?" Yes there is, and thank you for your concern. Here's what you can do:

• Think of awesome teams names (you can look at other team names for inspiration)
• Post your awesome team names in the comments
• Pass along this desperate plea to others

Some [read: ALL] of you are probably thinking, "what's in it for me? As a team-naming mercenary, I demand payment for my services." Check out this awesome suite of amazing prizes that could be yours upon our selection of your team name:

• Warm fuzzy feeling which you should probably get checked out
• A homemade tee-shirt featuring original art inspired by your team name
• Jason will wash your car or bicycle*
• Our friendship [note: friendship awarded retroactively only]
• You will achieve fame as our team's "Patron Saint", unless there is a more obviously applicable patron saint in which case you will receive a consolation prize of a bag of fake gold. [note: pending availability, "fake gold" may be substituted by "Oreos" and "bag" may be substituted by "partial bag"]
  

Perhaps you are shy or worried that your team-name ideas are not good enough. To assuage these fears, you can be assured that your suggestions will be better than my only to-date contribution of "Dream Unicorn Sparkle Sparkle Squad". If you are worried that we will make fun of your ideas, you may rest assured that yes, we will make fun of your ideas, but it will probably not be to your face and may only involve snickering.

Let's get us a team name!

*Not confirmed

Experiment in mobile blogging

Yes! This is an experiment to see if I can mobile blog a picture via email. Here is a photo of the oscar meyer wienermobile doing laps in the penske parking lot across the street from my work:

Bacon Spacesuit

Kyle S pointed me to this comic. Instead of a rigorous review, I'm just going to bullet-point the important highlights. Think of this as a Cliff's Notes guide to this comic:

• Bacon spacesuit
• Bacon spacesuit is self-defense against pandas
• "Brent Sienna and his Amazing Nitrate-Free Porknicolor Dreamcoat"
• Porknicolor
• Porknicolor
• Concept/Script by Wesley Crusher
• Even creepy anthropomorphic pigs enjoy binging on bacon
• Porknicolor
• Wesley Crusher
• Bacon spacesuit

I'm not really sure I get the plot, but it's probably because this is the kind of high culture that is only taught in the AP classes at Starfleet Academy.

OH NOES: we has polling fail

Five votes. Five votes to determine the outcome of the most anticipated death match of all time. This is no sample size- this is a travesty! And worst of all, despite the odd number of voters, we somehow managed to end up with a tie.

Fail. Epic polling fail.

I just don't know if I have the energy to keep polling after this crushing defeat, but I think I owe it to myself to try one more time.

Please vote on the poll to the right.

Another gift idea...

Anyone? Maybe as an "Administrative Professionals Day" gift on the 23rd? (You don't have to be administrative OR professional to enjoy this holiday, do you?)

He he he, I love his agape little beer-opener mouth and awkwardly gratuitous beer dispensing wand. He he he. And his little hardhat. Safety First! He he he. COME ON PEOPLE I WOULD LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

[trumpets] BACON LINKS [more trumpets]

NSFW Bacon bra!!!! (thanks Nadia!)
Meatscapes
Meat Water "High Efficiency Survival Beverage"
Homemade hot dog assembly machine
Homemade hot dog maker
Meat cereals
Bacon Cream Cheese Pinwheels (thanks Laurel!)
Maple Bacon Lollipops
Candied Bacon Ice Cream
Bacon Griddlecakes
Sappymoosetree's bacon Flickr set, which is AMAZING
Bacon cup followup with exciting future bacon cup advice and naming suggestions

Meat on, my friends, meat on.

Photo by Flickr user Sappymoosetree

NEW FEATURE: kids

OK, I have to get this story off my chest before I forget about it. I just got home from the grocery store where I witnessed an 8 or 9 year old boy approach the meat aisle and begin rapid-fire pummeling a poor defenseless ham. Like, I couldn't even see his arms they were moving so fast. I tried to remain calm and carry on, but then his mom started yelling at him, "HEY BILLY*! I TOLD YOU NOT TO HIT THE MEAT!" Billy* slowed down for a couple of seconds and contemplated this advice before re-engaging the enemy meat, this time accompanied by an awesome machine-gun sound. Seriously, I think this kid has a promising career in sound-effects. And boxing. Against hams.

*the names in this story have been changed to protect young meat-punchers, and also because his mom's voice was pretty shrill and I couldn't really distinguish all of the syllables.

I've been doing it wrong

Look! This is how the internet says to pour ketchup:
What? I'm supposed to hit the bottle on my fist? But that's where the food is! Am I supposed to have my fist in my food? *SIGH* I guess I've been doing it wrong.

NEW FEATURE: Quiz

Here is a quiz for you, dear readers. You may think of it as a poll but with less work required to participate.

1.) On a scale of "1" to "I wish I was dead", how fucked up is this couch:

a) 2
b) cabbage
c) where did you put the rest of the internet? I want to go there instead.
d) eyeball gouge
e) FUZZY
f) I ate paste

2.) This couch is better than the tiger couch (T/F):a) True - I love cross-eyed, hump-backed, scary-ass dog couches. With chains.
b) False - I wish I was dead. Or whoever made this couch was dead. Dead before they made this couch.
c) Ice cream

3. With the option of a $400k, 30-year-fixed loan at 5.75% with 0 points or 5.5% with 0.965 points ($3860), considering that the tax deduction on points only applies in the first year of the loan as opposed to the perpetual tax deduction on the additional interest from the higher rate, and the alternate savings rate is currently only around 3% but with possible upward movement even over a short time-horizon, at what point do the benefits of the lower rate outweigh the initial cash outlay required to purchase the points (assuming a 28% tax bracket)?

a) True
b) Do you think they have a polar bear couch? Or a buffalo couch?
c) chk chk chk chk [tank motion] chk chk chk chk
d) 4.168 years
e) Half-man on a skateboard

Answers will be posted at a later date, but feel free to leave your ideas in the comments.