Wednesday, August 20, 2008

NEW FEATURE: how about YOU write the freaking blog

Good afternoon:

Here is a graph of Bac-Log posts per month, with August prorated for the full month:

The right side of the graph is completely unacceptable. Please compare to this graph of target posts per month:

This volume increase may seem drastic, but I have determined by using, um, REALLY HARD MATH OKAY, that such aggressive growth is necessary to produce this schedule of projected income:

I think a good rule of thumb for burgeoning financial behemoths such as Bac-Log is to identify and focus on target customers to maximize profits. For example, I plan on generating the aforementioned income by focusing intently on the demographic of people who might have some extra change who are waiting at the stoplight to turn left on NW Dravus St. from 15th Ave NW, and who are easily discomfited by uncomfortable staring and inane babble. (Also I will have a kick-ass cardboard sign that reads "GOOBLES?")

ANYWAY, I guess what I'm trying to say here is that OH MAN AM I WAAAY BEHIND. I have actually been under a great deal of stress lately, both work related and of personal matters, and also I have been fighting a tenacious case of gastroenteritis for a week and a half now (hint: DON'T GET IT, IT SUCKS). This is why I have not been posting a whole lot. And probably why I will not be posting a whole lot in the near future.

I can hear your tears falling like tiny sad little catprints from a tiny sad little kitten that is sadly slouching away, who occasionally pauses and looks back, sadly, before turning and trudging on once more.

But seriously, people. It seems like the last few days have been me just walking down the street, minding my own business, and someone will come strutin' by, snapping their fingers and singing to themselves, and they'll stop me and be like, "Hey Bac-Log, what's shakin' bacon? Why haven't you posted recently", and I'll be like, "I have an infection in my intestines", and they'll be like, "but I'm bored, baby-- you need to give me more of that good stuff", and I'll be like, "but I'm in a great deal of pain", and they'll be like, "you know what's awesome? PIE", and then they will strut off, snapping and singing to themselves, into a psychedelic rainbow fur-lined sunset.

You are all that guy. ESPECIALLY YOU, COURTNEY.

Actually, to be completely honest for a split second, it always warms my heart when people mention that they are starved for the kind of non-FDA-approved brainfood that Bac-Log is always pleased to serve long past its expiration date. I am indeed extremely grateful for all of my loyal readers who enjoy this blog for some reason. So grateful in fact, that I am pleased to offer you all an AMAZING PRIZE!! And that prize is...

[drumroll]

GETTING TO WRITE THE BLOG FOR ME!

Okay, not exactly, but close. For a limited time, I invite EVERYONE WHO CAN READ THIS to participate in the Bac-Log blogging experience as a guest blogger or open-topic creator! For serious, guys! If you would like to have a prestigious Guest Blog post, please send me an email with whatever it is you wish to be read by my clamoring fan base of at least 12 people. If your post requires pictures or formatting, we can discuss how to do this. Also, if you are not really keen on producing an entire post, why not suggest a topic of discussion or an idea for a poll or a link list or something in the comments? If it's awesome, I will implement your idea!

Come on, do it! Help me... help you. (By doing the work for me.)

Thank you, and have a wonderful day.

2 comments:

bdoepker said...

Hierarchy of graphs based on funniness:
1. Pie charts
2. Bar charts
3. Line graphs
4. Do Venn diagrams count? Cuz I think that would be number 1.

If only I had remembered the hierarchy, the evidence I presented on Courtney's mob ties would have been so much more effective.

Grant said...

I'm not sure of the precise hierarchy either, but I believe you were basically constrained to use line graphs for the Courtney mob-tie evidence, and so I heartily applaud you for succeeding despite these unfair constraints. You are truly a hero.

Also, Venn Diagrams are truly the funniest of all charts, although also the hardest to actually implement.