Friday, September 19, 2008

miracles are all around us, and also the positive effects of pirates

Jason: what the name of the ice sport with ninjas and pirates?
Me: broomball

(What was the world like in the dark days before gmail recorded our conversations for posterity?)

Okay, so if you have been on or around the internet today, or knows someone who has, or even knows what the internet is, or is human, or even casually knows a human, or exists at least partially in three dimensions, you have heard that today is Talk Like A Pirate Day. For many people this is a cause of great celebration and mirth and excitement, apparently because they need this as an excuse to talk like a pirate. If you have to find time to talk like a pirate, and this only happens once a year, maybe you need to rethink your priorities.

A much better day would be Act Like A Pirate Day (With Pirate Speech And Dress Optional), provided that this day came with some sort of liability protection. As in, maybe you get two free pillages without legal repercussion.

Anyway, regardless of your thoughts about perceived relevance and specific application of Talk Like A Pirate Day, I think it's important to remember what Talk Like A Pirate Day is really all about, and that's family. Family, and also buried treasure. Also it is about being able to recognize Talk Like A Pirate Day miracles, and use these miracles to strengthen your Talk Like A Pirate Day faith.

Talk Like A Pirate Day miracles are all around us! For example, if your breakfast did not suddenly dissolve into space like it was in the transporter on Star Trek, that was no coincidence! That was a Talk Like A Pirate Day miracle! And if your computer at work didn't burst spontaneously into bright green flames, that was also a Talk Like A Pirate Day miracle! And if you saw an extra little twinkle in the eye of your adorable barista today as they served you your half-caf double-tall 190° vanilla soy latte with extra foam, that was a Talk Like A Pirate Day miracle and also burgeoning love! Talk Like A Pirate Day miracles often lead to love, but unfortunately they also occasionally lead to cancer.

My Talk Like A Pirate Day miracle was truly incredible. You see, my Mom sent me an email on Tuesday to remind me of Talk Like A Pirate Day, which was very courteous as it allowed me plenty of time for last-minute Talk Like A Pirate Day gifts and to hide Talk Like A Pirate Day colored eggs and to make reservations for a romantic dinner for my Talk Like A Pirate Day-tine and to carve my Talk Like A Pirate Day-O-Lantern and to prepare a turkey for the Talk Like A Pirate Day ceremonious dinner which celebrates the historic feast between the newcome and ill-prepared pirates and the merchant sailors whose wares they would eventually steal.

I opened my calendar to enter this important date when I discovered that it was already there! Somehow the divine influence of Talk Like A Pirate Day saw fit to include Talk Like A Pirate Day in my calendar as an "all-day event" with reminders set to both 1 and 2 days before! This is truly the 2nd greatest Talk Like A Pirate Day miracle off all time, behind only the bearded and reindeer-drawn Talk Like A Pirate Day diety rising from death three days after discovering fireworks and the American continent just in time to remember the veterans of past wars!

Talk Like A Pirate Day also affords us an opportunity to consider how important yet unsung is the role of the pirate, who makes sure that not too much gold stays above ground for too long, so it wont become a tripping hazard. I will leave you now with the symbolic Talk Like A Pirate Day Rune of Responsible Recycling:


bugeyerita said...

OK, pirates are so out. I do agree that dressing and such would be so much better than just talking.
I will try to find something else to tweek your facinatingly eccentric though processes

bugeyerita said...

oops, I seem to be dropping my t's. hat is wha happens when you do hings a work.